I used to pride myself on being a BMW--Burly (or Buff) Mountain Woman. I could climb fourteeners, cliff jump, rock climb, mountain bike, all those cool activites you see in commercials. I wasn't all that fast, not a huge amount of endurance, but I could hang out with the cool kids. I appreciated the challenge of placing myself in uncomfortable situations, keeping a good attitude, and finishing the course.
Not anymore. I have officially turned into a scared mommy. Ben took us on an old favorite hike last weekend to the "Lemon Squeezers" (or "Buttcracks", for us coarser types). After a mellow hike down a desert canyon wash and a moderately steep scramble uphill to the base of the caprock, we entered the shoulder-width slot and started moving inward and upward. Some areas are smooth sand, others are rocky scrambles, and some are full-on overhung bouldering problems. The first few moves were a bit more difficult than I remembered (couldn't have anything to do with my extra 20 pounds of padding accumulated since college). The kids were doing great, following directions and having fun climbing. It got darker and narrower, requiring us to take off our packs to squeeze between the rocks, then stop and pass the packs through. I have been nervous in tight places before, but never considered myself claustrophobic. Until now.
As I waited in one particularly tight spot, fearing for the safety of my kiddos, I literally felt the mass of the cliffs pressing me and starting with, "Oh, I don't feel so good..." proceeded to have a full-on claustrophobic panic attack, complete with crying and shaking. After I stopped, the kids reassured me, "Its OK, Mommy!", and Nathaniel reminded me, "Mommy, remember, Jesus is everywhere around you!", which at first made me think "aww, how cute" but then was quite reassuring.
This panic attack was first for me, and a bit embarassing. But, strangely relieving, as though the safety valve on my boiling emotions was let off, and I could now proceed to cope with the rest of the hike. Which I'll spare the details of, except to say there was one more scary part and one more episode of Mommy freaking out.
So, I'm wondering, where did my nerve go? And will it ever come back? Does it have to do with being a mother bear and trying to protect my kids? Or maybe it's all the trauma and accidents I see and hear about in the ER--I've become too good at imagining worst case scenarios. So perhaps we'll tone down the adventures a bit until I figure out how to cope. Or maybe I'll just have to figure out how to cope. :-)
BTW, the kids don't appear scarred at all: Nathaniel said the hiking and climbing was the best day of his life, and Abby has been practicing climbing on the swing set, saying, "I'm a rock climber!"
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, July 30, 2007
New link over yonder. Not much there yet but I hope to post a tad more frequently, since I won't feel obligated to break out the pics in order to post.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Back in the saddle again!
So, as some faithful readers may have noticed, I've been absent for a few weeks. The last month has been pretty tough for me, a perfect storm of returning hormones, sleep issues, work changes, parenting struggles, spiritual uncertainty, financial stress, etc. Two weeks ago, I couldn't name one part of my life that made me happy. Looking at my children made my heart break with guilt (for my horrible parenting) and pity (that they would have to grow up in this horrible world). I was exhausted, tearful, and probably a drag to be married to....and thinking of that made it worse. Then I would read these mommy blogs about all of these creative women who sew, cook, sing, clean, pray, blah, blah, blah....and I just wanted to crawl under my covers and die. Having emerged from this depression, I'd like to encourage any other mommies out there that I don't have my act together, and share some tips for how I got through it:
1. After the fact, I realize that it was probably mostly hormones. The cycles resumed and suddenly the sun was shining again. I'll try to remember that next month. =)
2. Surrendered myself to God. God knows that I scum. He loves me anyway. I found that focusing on my scumminess was kind of an obsession, like picking a scab--it hurt but was satisfying too. I think the trick is to not be self centered, even during the down times.
3. Got a massage.
4. Went to the witch doctor (chiropractor). She diagnosed me with a variety of infections, put me on some supplements, and prescribed the "fungus diet" (no sugar of any kind, no yeast, alcohol, cheese, dried fruit, fruit juice, or soy sauce) for three weeks. I feel better already.
5. Made a new schedule. The kids and I had been sleeping in late, skipping naps, and going to bed late. Now I get less sleep by getting up early, but somehow it feels better.
6. Let Ben take care of me. I got several much needed naps, backrubs, and encouragement sessions.
Anyway, it's good to be back!
So, as some faithful readers may have noticed, I've been absent for a few weeks. The last month has been pretty tough for me, a perfect storm of returning hormones, sleep issues, work changes, parenting struggles, spiritual uncertainty, financial stress, etc. Two weeks ago, I couldn't name one part of my life that made me happy. Looking at my children made my heart break with guilt (for my horrible parenting) and pity (that they would have to grow up in this horrible world). I was exhausted, tearful, and probably a drag to be married to....and thinking of that made it worse. Then I would read these mommy blogs about all of these creative women who sew, cook, sing, clean, pray, blah, blah, blah....and I just wanted to crawl under my covers and die. Having emerged from this depression, I'd like to encourage any other mommies out there that I don't have my act together, and share some tips for how I got through it:
1. After the fact, I realize that it was probably mostly hormones. The cycles resumed and suddenly the sun was shining again. I'll try to remember that next month. =)
2. Surrendered myself to God. God knows that I scum. He loves me anyway. I found that focusing on my scumminess was kind of an obsession, like picking a scab--it hurt but was satisfying too. I think the trick is to not be self centered, even during the down times.
3. Got a massage.
4. Went to the witch doctor (chiropractor). She diagnosed me with a variety of infections, put me on some supplements, and prescribed the "fungus diet" (no sugar of any kind, no yeast, alcohol, cheese, dried fruit, fruit juice, or soy sauce) for three weeks. I feel better already.
5. Made a new schedule. The kids and I had been sleeping in late, skipping naps, and going to bed late. Now I get less sleep by getting up early, but somehow it feels better.
6. Let Ben take care of me. I got several much needed naps, backrubs, and encouragement sessions.
Anyway, it's good to be back!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Works for me Wednesday
I returned to work last weekend, so Ben spent the majority of Friday and Saturday with the kids. Perhaps it's the fact that he's a man, or it's his personality...but he seems to have a higher standard of behavior for Nathaniel than I do. On Sunday, I noticed that my whiny, testing, energy-draining Nathaniel had been replaced with a polite, happy, obedient kid. Ben told him to do something, like put away his toys, and HE JUST DID IT! Wow! No bargaining, no whining. Apparently they had a few run-ins over the weekend, and Ben's training had immediate and noticable results. The best thing Ben taught him was to say, "OK!" when we tell him to do something--I hadn't thought about it being a learned response, but Nathaniel obviously wasn't in the habit of saying it. Now hearing his little voice chirp "OK!" just makes me smile and has sweetened our relationship.
Having an involved and loving husband--it works for me!
More tips can be found at Rocks In My Dryer.
I returned to work last weekend, so Ben spent the majority of Friday and Saturday with the kids. Perhaps it's the fact that he's a man, or it's his personality...but he seems to have a higher standard of behavior for Nathaniel than I do. On Sunday, I noticed that my whiny, testing, energy-draining Nathaniel had been replaced with a polite, happy, obedient kid. Ben told him to do something, like put away his toys, and HE JUST DID IT! Wow! No bargaining, no whining. Apparently they had a few run-ins over the weekend, and Ben's training had immediate and noticable results. The best thing Ben taught him was to say, "OK!" when we tell him to do something--I hadn't thought about it being a learned response, but Nathaniel obviously wasn't in the habit of saying it. Now hearing his little voice chirp "OK!" just makes me smile and has sweetened our relationship.
Having an involved and loving husband--it works for me!
More tips can be found at Rocks In My Dryer.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Unsolicited Parenting Advice and a Request for Prayer
If only I had remembered how much Nathaniel hated the bottle at first, I would have followed my own advice. If you plan on returning to work or ever want to spend more than 6 hours away from your baby in their first year, HAVE DADDY GIVE BABY A BOTTLE ONCE A DAY for the first two months. Abigail is on a hunger strike and even though I had been able to coax her into taking a few ounces from a bottle during our practice sessions, Ben did not have much luck this weekend.
Here's the request for prayer--my dad (bless his soul!) is watching the two kids on a regular basis when Ben's and my work schedules overlap, starting tomorrow. 9am-3pm, Mountain Standard Time. If you are reading this, please send up a prayer for all of them. And me. Amen.
=)
If only I had remembered how much Nathaniel hated the bottle at first, I would have followed my own advice. If you plan on returning to work or ever want to spend more than 6 hours away from your baby in their first year, HAVE DADDY GIVE BABY A BOTTLE ONCE A DAY for the first two months. Abigail is on a hunger strike and even though I had been able to coax her into taking a few ounces from a bottle during our practice sessions, Ben did not have much luck this weekend.
Here's the request for prayer--my dad (bless his soul!) is watching the two kids on a regular basis when Ben's and my work schedules overlap, starting tomorrow. 9am-3pm, Mountain Standard Time. If you are reading this, please send up a prayer for all of them. And me. Amen.
=)
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Sleep
Jen is hosting a Parenting Choices carnival over at Bourgeois Baby, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to share our experiences with different sleep recommendations.
Before Nathaniel was born, a dear friend sent us On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo. I respect this Christian woman and was thrilled with the promise of a happy, well-rested baby and mommy. I especially liked the well-rested mommy part, as I was concerned about going back to work part time when Nathaniel turned 3 months. I read articles in popular parenting magazines recommending sleep training starting around 4 months, and I thought, “That’s way too late!” A friend told us, “You can’t spoil an infant”, and I smiled but inwardly thought he was so wrong. So, we followed the Babywise philosophy pretty closely at first. I remember feeling guilty if I rocked him or nursed him to sleep because I didn’t want him to become dependent on me to fall asleep. I would put him down drowsy and often he would cry for 3-5 minutes—never more than 10. But what a horrible few minutes to endure. He slept through the night at around 10 weeks, and we thought the crying was a trade off for a happy, great sleeping baby. As time went on we realized that we are just not a tightly scheduled family….at all! I loosened up quite a bit when I saw how all of my ideas about schedules posted on the fridge and followed to the letter were just stressing our family. Life is pretty random (especially with me working a variable schedule), and we found it was better to be flexible and give Nathaniel the same understanding that we gave to ourselves.
Before Abigail was born, we didn’t feel the need to re-read all the parenting books (that’s the great thing about having more than one kid—you never have to be a freshman parent again!) Her first two weeks were fabulous—it was Christmas, family was visiting so Nathaniel was entertained, Ben’s mother stayed with us and did the house work, and Ben was on vacation—so I got to sleep in, take naps, and just enjoy Abigail. She slept in our room in a bassinet and I fed her on demand, which averaged every 2-3 hours. When the dust settled and Ben went back to work around 3 weeks, I became more and more sleep deprived, and one day picked up the Babywise book looking for some relief. I skimmed most of it in one afternoon and the guilty feelings returned—I was already “late” in getting her on a schedule! I decided to start being more disciplined with her feedings in order to get her to sleep more. The next day she cried at the 1 ½ hour mark after a feeding and I determined she needed to take a nap, not eat. Her distress grew (as did mine), but I was determined to “do it right”. Nathaniel told me, “Mommy, Abigail crying. She need to eat your doobie.” He found her pacifier, went into our room, and tossed it into the bassinet. Whoa. A two year old could see what I was trying to ignore—my baby’s crying needed to be addressed. Duh! I mentally tossed Babywise out the window and realized that having an infant means loosing out on some sleep—I was just going to be OK with that.
Now that I've seen the development of one little human, it seems silly to worry about training the will a two week old who can't even will her head to stay up. The time for training and discipline will certainly come (oh, will it ever!), but I don't think it belongs in the first weeks.
And, I’m happy to report, Abigail is turning into a spectacular sleeper. I nurse/rock her nearly to sleep around 9 or 10 pm, then lay her in her crib, and she sleeps through until 5 or 6am. She’ll take a feeding and then sleep again until 8 or 9 am. Glorious!
So, here's my two cents on the Babywise philosophy: it did not make a difference in my children’s sleeping habits. Both of them slept through the night by 3 months of age. I don’t know if the crying affected Nathaniel—he is a compassionate, brilliant little 2 ½ year old. I do know that I regret letting him cry when he was so easily consolable, and I am glad to have loosened up enough to enjoy nursing and rocking Abigail to sleep.
Jen is hosting a Parenting Choices carnival over at Bourgeois Baby, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to share our experiences with different sleep recommendations.
Before Nathaniel was born, a dear friend sent us On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo. I respect this Christian woman and was thrilled with the promise of a happy, well-rested baby and mommy. I especially liked the well-rested mommy part, as I was concerned about going back to work part time when Nathaniel turned 3 months. I read articles in popular parenting magazines recommending sleep training starting around 4 months, and I thought, “That’s way too late!” A friend told us, “You can’t spoil an infant”, and I smiled but inwardly thought he was so wrong. So, we followed the Babywise philosophy pretty closely at first. I remember feeling guilty if I rocked him or nursed him to sleep because I didn’t want him to become dependent on me to fall asleep. I would put him down drowsy and often he would cry for 3-5 minutes—never more than 10. But what a horrible few minutes to endure. He slept through the night at around 10 weeks, and we thought the crying was a trade off for a happy, great sleeping baby. As time went on we realized that we are just not a tightly scheduled family….at all! I loosened up quite a bit when I saw how all of my ideas about schedules posted on the fridge and followed to the letter were just stressing our family. Life is pretty random (especially with me working a variable schedule), and we found it was better to be flexible and give Nathaniel the same understanding that we gave to ourselves.
Before Abigail was born, we didn’t feel the need to re-read all the parenting books (that’s the great thing about having more than one kid—you never have to be a freshman parent again!) Her first two weeks were fabulous—it was Christmas, family was visiting so Nathaniel was entertained, Ben’s mother stayed with us and did the house work, and Ben was on vacation—so I got to sleep in, take naps, and just enjoy Abigail. She slept in our room in a bassinet and I fed her on demand, which averaged every 2-3 hours. When the dust settled and Ben went back to work around 3 weeks, I became more and more sleep deprived, and one day picked up the Babywise book looking for some relief. I skimmed most of it in one afternoon and the guilty feelings returned—I was already “late” in getting her on a schedule! I decided to start being more disciplined with her feedings in order to get her to sleep more. The next day she cried at the 1 ½ hour mark after a feeding and I determined she needed to take a nap, not eat. Her distress grew (as did mine), but I was determined to “do it right”. Nathaniel told me, “Mommy, Abigail crying. She need to eat your doobie.” He found her pacifier, went into our room, and tossed it into the bassinet. Whoa. A two year old could see what I was trying to ignore—my baby’s crying needed to be addressed. Duh! I mentally tossed Babywise out the window and realized that having an infant means loosing out on some sleep—I was just going to be OK with that.
Now that I've seen the development of one little human, it seems silly to worry about training the will a two week old who can't even will her head to stay up. The time for training and discipline will certainly come (oh, will it ever!), but I don't think it belongs in the first weeks.
And, I’m happy to report, Abigail is turning into a spectacular sleeper. I nurse/rock her nearly to sleep around 9 or 10 pm, then lay her in her crib, and she sleeps through until 5 or 6am. She’ll take a feeding and then sleep again until 8 or 9 am. Glorious!
So, here's my two cents on the Babywise philosophy: it did not make a difference in my children’s sleeping habits. Both of them slept through the night by 3 months of age. I don’t know if the crying affected Nathaniel—he is a compassionate, brilliant little 2 ½ year old. I do know that I regret letting him cry when he was so easily consolable, and I am glad to have loosened up enough to enjoy nursing and rocking Abigail to sleep.
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Day When Nothing Worked
Poor Nathaniel has been sick with a stomach bug since Friday night (where he upchucked at IHOP--at least it wasn't on MY carpet!), so that just sets the tone for today.
Nathaniel: "I want to watch a movie"
Mommy (thinking "Great! He can rest, I can unload the dishes, start some laundry, get dressed..."): "Sounds good."
We start a Veggie Tales video.
Abby: "Waaahhh!"
Mommy feeds Abby instead of doing chores and we all watch the video.
Nathaniel: "Let's go to the park"
Mommy (thinking "Great! The kids can get some fresh air, I can get some exercise pushing the stroller to the park"): "Sounds good!"
--Mommy spends an hour feeding, clothing, changing, and arranging three participants for said expedition.--
We're off! Abby is sleeping, Nathaniel clutches his car in anticipation of sending it down the slide at the park....
Ring, ring!
Ben (via cell phone): "I have a long break for lunch. Should I come home?"
Mommy: "Sounds great!" --turns stroller around to head home--
Nathaniel: "Waaaaaahhhh! I wanna go to the paaaaaaark!"
--We have a lovely lunch with Daddy--
Nathaniel "I wanna go to the park."
Mommy (thinking, "Oy vey, I don't have the energy for this--maybe we should watch another movie"): "Let me finish feeding Abby and then we'll decide."
Mommy gets a burst of energy, decides to go for it, and once again changes Abby to get ready for the park.
Abby: --spit up--
Mommy: "Grrr!"
Nathaniel: "I wanna watch a movie. I wanna watch a movie. I wanna watch a movie! I WANNA WATCH A MOVIE!!! Waaaaaahh!"
--Nathaniel immediately falls asleep on his bed--
Mommy changes Abby, puts her in the swing for a nap, decides that exercise and chores can wait, and takes a little break.
The End.
Poor Nathaniel has been sick with a stomach bug since Friday night (where he upchucked at IHOP--at least it wasn't on MY carpet!), so that just sets the tone for today.
Nathaniel: "I want to watch a movie"
Mommy (thinking "Great! He can rest, I can unload the dishes, start some laundry, get dressed..."): "Sounds good."
We start a Veggie Tales video.
Abby: "Waaahhh!"
Mommy feeds Abby instead of doing chores and we all watch the video.
Nathaniel: "Let's go to the park"
Mommy (thinking "Great! The kids can get some fresh air, I can get some exercise pushing the stroller to the park"): "Sounds good!"
We're off! Abby is sleeping, Nathaniel clutches his car in anticipation of sending it down the slide at the park....
Ring, ring!
Ben (via cell phone): "I have a long break for lunch. Should I come home?"
Mommy: "Sounds great!" --turns stroller around to head home--
Nathaniel: "Waaaaaahhhh! I wanna go to the paaaaaaark!"
--We have a lovely lunch with Daddy--
Nathaniel "I wanna go to the park."
Mommy (thinking, "Oy vey, I don't have the energy for this--maybe we should watch another movie"): "Let me finish feeding Abby and then we'll decide."
Mommy gets a burst of energy, decides to go for it, and once again changes Abby to get ready for the park.
Abby: --spit up--
Mommy: "Grrr!"
Nathaniel: "I wanna watch a movie. I wanna watch a movie. I wanna watch a movie! I WANNA WATCH A MOVIE!!! Waaaaaahh!"
Mommy changes Abby, puts her in the swing for a nap, decides that exercise and chores can wait, and takes a little break.
The End.
Friday, February 16, 2007
In His Hands
Lately I've been having a lot of mommy guilt--Nathaniel watches too much TV, Nathaniel doesn't get to play outside as much as he needs to, Abby is being woefully neglected compared to how much time I spent with Nathaniel when he was her age, etc., etc. This leads to ridiculous mommy worry--my children will turn out to be couch potatoes that have no significant relationships, they will be unhappy and unfulfilled, blah, blah, blah. Last night as these thoughts continued to eat away at my joy, I had a realization--God can handle all of this! I can turn my fears and concerns about my children over to God, and He can take care of them. In fact, He can take care of my children! Teaching them God's truths and sharing Jesus' love will develop their spirits and characters and guide them long after I am out of the picture. The weight lifted off and for the first time in a few weeks I felt joy in being a mommy again. Thank you, Lord!
Lately I've been having a lot of mommy guilt--Nathaniel watches too much TV, Nathaniel doesn't get to play outside as much as he needs to, Abby is being woefully neglected compared to how much time I spent with Nathaniel when he was her age, etc., etc. This leads to ridiculous mommy worry--my children will turn out to be couch potatoes that have no significant relationships, they will be unhappy and unfulfilled, blah, blah, blah. Last night as these thoughts continued to eat away at my joy, I had a realization--God can handle all of this! I can turn my fears and concerns about my children over to God, and He can take care of them. In fact, He can take care of my children! Teaching them God's truths and sharing Jesus' love will develop their spirits and characters and guide them long after I am out of the picture. The weight lifted off and for the first time in a few weeks I felt joy in being a mommy again. Thank you, Lord!
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