Losing my nerve

I used to pride myself on being a BMW--Burly (or Buff) Mountain Woman. I could climb fourteeners, cliff jump, rock climb, mountain bike, all those cool activites you see in commercials. I wasn't all that fast, not a huge amount of endurance, but I could hang out with the cool kids. I appreciated the challenge of placing myself in uncomfortable situations, keeping a good attitude, and finishing the course.

Not anymore. I have officially turned into a scared mommy. Ben took us on an old favorite hike last weekend to the "Lemon Squeezers" (or "Buttcracks", for us coarser types). After a mellow hike down a desert canyon wash and a moderately steep scramble uphill to the base of the caprock, we entered the shoulder-width slot and started moving inward and upward. Some areas are smooth sand, others are rocky scrambles, and some are full-on overhung bouldering problems. The first few moves were a bit more difficult than I remembered (couldn't have anything to do with my extra 20 pounds of padding accumulated since college). The kids were doing great, following directions and having fun climbing. It got darker and narrower, requiring us to take off our packs to squeeze between the rocks, then stop and pass the packs through. I have been nervous in tight places before, but never considered myself claustrophobic. Until now.

As I waited in one particularly tight spot, fearing for the safety of my kiddos, I literally felt the mass of the cliffs pressing me and starting with, "Oh, I don't feel so good..." proceeded to have a full-on claustrophobic panic attack, complete with crying and shaking. After I stopped, the kids reassured me, "Its OK, Mommy!", and Nathaniel reminded me, "Mommy, remember, Jesus is everywhere around you!", which at first made me think "aww, how cute" but then was quite reassuring.

This panic attack was first for me, and a bit embarassing. But, strangely relieving, as though the safety valve on my boiling emotions was let off, and I could now proceed to cope with the rest of the hike. Which I'll spare the details of, except to say there was one more scary part and one more episode of Mommy freaking out.

So, I'm wondering, where did my nerve go? And will it ever come back? Does it have to do with being a mother bear and trying to protect my kids? Or maybe it's all the trauma and accidents I see and hear about in the ER--I've become too good at imagining worst case scenarios. So perhaps we'll tone down the adventures a bit until I figure out how to cope. Or maybe I'll just have to figure out how to cope. :-)

BTW, the kids don't appear scarred at all: Nathaniel said the hiking and climbing was the best day of his life, and Abby has been practicing climbing on the swing set, saying, "I'm a rock climber!"

Sledding Red Mountain Pass

Outdoor activities have become a lot less about getting somewhere and getting exercise, and a lot more about staying warm, eating, and preventing meltdowns. But it's still a lot of fun!

Trail through Time

Granny!

Luna!

Ramen!

Fossils!

Honey!

What more could a girl ask for?

Goblin Valley

We were joined by several friends in October for a weekend trip to Goblin Valley in Utah--the weather was fabulous and the kids loved playing with each other and in the dirt. Here are some pics from our longer-and-more-strenuous-than-billed hike:

Camping at Lake Dillon
August 2008

We were nervous about where we would stay because we couldn't get a reservation at the campground, but we scored a fabulous campspot on the lake that someone had cancelled an hour before. (If that was you, God, thank you!) We took the port-a-boat out and did a little fishing, explored an island, rode bikes, went swimming at the rec center, got to see Beth and meet Yiannis and Sofia, and drove to Kremmling and Granby to see where Ben was born. A lovely way to end the summer and start the new school year.

Rafting Glenwood Canyon

July 2008

What happens when you leave Daddy at home with the kids during the summer.....


....lots of fun!

The slide wasn't steep or dangerous enough as it was.... oh, no.....we had to add an 18 inch platform on top of the 4 foot tall fort and turn it into a waterslide!

It was awesome.

Good job, Ben!

Nathaniel's birthday present

Tour of the camper

For those who might be interested....



















































The spacious kitchen!

The ladder to the bunks.

Ahhh...the couch. Mommy's favorite place to read.

Dego the camping fish.

Spring Break 2008-Zion National Park

Spring Break in Zion

(Pictures will be forthcoming next week after we get home and upload them.)

We are in Zion National Park in Utah--it was sunny and warm (bordering on shorts weather) this morning, then a little storm (paintbrush clouds for Jen) blew in and drenched my hopes of drying our laundry in the sun. Ben, Nathaniel, and Abby have all had a stomach bug in the last two days. Not so fun in a camper without a washing machine. I have a newfound appreciation for laundromats.
Ah, my 10 minutes of internet is up. More later!

Happy Birthday, Sweet Abby!

It's hard to believe a whole year has gone by! You are definitely a princess....you sleep like an angel but when you're awake, you will not stand to be out of contact with one of your four chosen caretakers for a second! One of my favorite sounds is the "pad, pad, pad, pad" of your hands smacking the floor as you crawl down the hall to find me. You can stand up by yourself but refuse to take any steps unless you have a firm grasp on two adult hands (one hand is not enough). You have a fabulous sense of humor and love to be tossed in the air by Daddy. You love your big brother and start out each day looking for him. When he falls asleep next to you in the car, you pull on his shirt and tell him to wake up--you can't understand why he's not playing with you! We love you very much.....