SleepJen is hosting a Parenting Choices carnival over at
Bourgeois Baby, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to share our experiences with different sleep recommendations.
Before Nathaniel was born, a dear friend sent us On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo. I respect this Christian woman and was thrilled with the promise of a happy, well-rested baby and mommy. I especially liked the well-rested mommy part, as I was concerned about going back to work part time when Nathaniel turned 3 months. I read articles in popular parenting magazines recommending sleep training starting around 4 months, and I thought, “That’s way too late!” A friend told us, “You can’t spoil an infant”, and I smiled but inwardly thought he was so wrong. So, we followed the Babywise philosophy pretty closely at first. I remember feeling guilty if I rocked him or nursed him to sleep because I didn’t want him to become dependent on me to fall asleep. I would put him down drowsy and often he would cry for 3-5 minutes—never more than 10. But what a horrible few minutes to endure. He slept through the night at around 10 weeks, and we thought the crying was a trade off for a happy, great sleeping baby. As time went on we realized that we are just not a tightly scheduled family….at all! I loosened up quite a bit when I saw how all of my ideas about schedules posted on the fridge and followed to the letter were just stressing our family. Life is pretty random (especially with me working a variable schedule), and we found it was better to be flexible and give Nathaniel the same understanding that we gave to ourselves.
Before Abigail was born, we didn’t feel the need to re-read all the parenting books (that’s the great thing about having more than one kid—you never have to be a freshman parent again!) Her first two weeks were fabulous—it was Christmas, family was visiting so Nathaniel was entertained, Ben’s mother stayed with us and did the house work, and Ben was on vacation—so I got to sleep in, take naps, and just enjoy Abigail. She slept in our room in a bassinet and I fed her on demand, which averaged every 2-3 hours. When the dust settled and Ben went back to work around 3 weeks, I became more and more sleep deprived, and one day picked up the Babywise book looking for some relief. I skimmed most of it in one afternoon and the guilty feelings returned—I was already “late” in getting her on a schedule! I decided to start being more disciplined with her feedings in order to get her to sleep more. The next day she cried at the 1 ½ hour mark after a feeding and I determined she needed to take a nap, not eat. Her distress grew (as did mine), but I was determined to “do it right”. Nathaniel told me, “Mommy, Abigail crying. She need to eat your doobie.” He found her pacifier, went into our room, and tossed it into the bassinet. Whoa. A two year old could see what I was trying to ignore—my baby’s crying needed to be addressed. Duh! I mentally tossed Babywise out the window and realized that having an infant means loosing out on some sleep—I was just going to be OK with that.
Now that I've seen the development of one little human, it seems silly to worry about training the will a two week old who can't even will her head to stay up. The time for training and discipline will certainly come (oh, will it ever!), but I don't think it belongs in the first weeks.
And, I’m happy to report, Abigail is turning into a spectacular sleeper. I nurse/rock her nearly to sleep around 9 or 10 pm, then lay her in her crib, and she sleeps through until 5 or 6am. She’ll take a feeding and then sleep again until 8 or 9 am. Glorious!
So, here's my two cents on the Babywise philosophy: it did not make a difference in my children’s sleeping habits. Both of them slept through the night by 3 months of age. I don’t know if the crying affected Nathaniel—he is a compassionate, brilliant little 2 ½ year old. I do know that I regret letting him cry when he was so easily consolable, and I am glad to have loosened up enough to enjoy nursing and rocking Abigail to sleep.
